1. Sundays you’re on a couch.
You are a rock. A rock on a couch.
2. You’re used to being called by your last name.
First names are for suckers.
3. You run plays in your head.
X’s and O’s gentlemen. X’s and O’s.
4. You measure distances in yardage.
Yeah, this hallway looks like a good 25 yards. Let’s test the arm.
5. You take the Under Armour, “We Must Protect This House” ads very seriously.
I WILL, I WILL. Under Armour HWHAGHHGGH
6. You’re a big fan of Minka Kelly… Oh Lyla.
7. You’ve won 100 Super Bowls in your backyard.
And then you spike the ball and it either goes over the fence or hits you back in your face.
8. You do spin moves around the house.
Perfectly executed spin-move past the dining room chair.
9. You stiff arm your friends.
10. Madden will never get old.
Mike Vick need never throw the ball.
11. Thanksgiving is your favorite holiday.
Food. Football. Sleep.
12. Crimson, Scarlet, and Cardinal are more than just shades of red.
It’s a beautiful thing.
13. The country is divided into territories.
Always wear your gear into rival territories.
14. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.
||By Isaac Clark
Isaac is a writer at SportsUnlimited.com